I've reproduced your questions exactly as you've asked them to me in your emails.
First, a few glossary terms that may be used.
MENA: Middle East North Africa
GCC: Gulf Cooperative Council - Saudi, UAE, Qatar, Bahrain, Oman, Kuwait
Riyadh: Capital of Saudi Arabia
UAE: United Arab Emirates
Dubai and Abu Dhabi: The two largest emirates in the UAE. Seven emirates comprise the UAE
Sheik Mohammed: Mohammed bin Rashid Al Maktoum - Prime Minister and Vice President of the UAE and the Ruler of Dubai. A.k.a. Sheik Mo
Sheik Khalifa: Khalifa bin Zayed bin Sultan Al Nahyan - President of the UAE and emir of Abu Dhabi
Abaya: Black garb for females covering entire length of body
Thobe: White garb for males
Iftar: breaking of the fast during Ramadan
What was your biggest culture shock?
I lived in Venice Beach, California. You would be hard pressed to find many more inhabited destinations where regard for "proper" social behavior is so effortlessly abandoned. It's not a hipster's tiresome and self-conscious counter-culture, but rather just a simple mantra of Be What You Want to Be. The asymmetry and lack of uniformity is magnificent. And even though I generally don't walk around in Venice dressed in drag, juggling knifes while walking a Chihuahua, no shame would come to my name in this community (it would most certainly enhance it, in fact), and it certainly would not endanger my life.
In Riyadh things are different, and of course having done my research prior, I knew this going in. There will be a male only and female/family section in all restaurants. Women are forbidden to drive. Don't wear shorts in public. Don't use your left hand to give things to people. Never have the soles of your shoes pointing towards someone. Forget about dating local girls…or even meeting local girls. Between a guidebook and speaking with others who have been there, I had the facts. Still, it didn't prepare me for when a young Filipina woman in an abaya approached me on my first day while walking around in the mall and asks in giggly English, "Are you Korean?" My lord! Is she…flirting with me? Do I answer her question? Do I ignore her? Do I flee the scene of the crime?? I was momentarily paralyzed, not knowing whether social convention allowed me answer her. Locals dressed in abayas and thobes were looking at us in humorous curiosity, which I of course took to mean "Will someone please arrest these infidels already?!" Nothing more than embarrassment came of this episode, but it's an extreme example of how highly conscious I was of my actions, gestures, and general psyche in public. This was tiring, and it weighed on me. It took about two months to get used to the rhythm of daily life. Still, this equilibrium was supplemented by weekend excursions out of the country.
The other major difference is the utter lack of self-sufficiency one develops while living in a fully serviced apartment while having a driver on call. Laundry, household cleaning, room service, locomotion: all provided within dialing reach. Yes, it sounds fabulous, I know. But I haven't know such simple joy and satisfaction as when I recently put on a t-shirt still fresh from my apartment's half-broken coin operated dryer and drove my stick shift Subaru to the Trader Joes to buy some fresh produce, frozen potstickers and a bottle of single malt.
What is the attitude towards Americans there?
I'll take "there" to encompass a broader definition than merely Saudi and the UAE since I traveled all over. I never felt overt animosity towards Americans during my time in MENA. Granted, Obama was a big sensation at the time, and when I wore my novelty Barack to the Future lapel pin in airports, the buzz of the walk through metal detector was generally ignored, the half-effort pat down replaced with a smile and a heavily accented, "Obama! Ok!". Indeed, Kiwis and Aussies were far more vocally belligerent in their anti-Americanism than any Arab I encountered. I wasn't a fan of the previous administration's foreign policies either, but please, feel free to berate me me when a) you have something compelling to say b) you know what you're talking about and c) John Key's opinion counts for something on the world stage. Who is John Key you ask? Exactly.
What was the cuisine like? best meal, worst..
The staple is mezze (tabouli, hommos, pita, etc). Meat. Rice. Sweets. Repeat. Food considered "local" is dominated by Lebanese cuisine. It's rare to have an authentic Saudi meal, and I couldn't even tell you what Emirati food consists of. East Asian food, with the exception of Thai, is mediocre. Good Mexican is isolated to a couple of individual higher end places in Dubai. And due to the vast numbers of South Asians (primarily Pakistani and Indian) in the GCC, their fare rivals the vendors of Karachi and Chennai. If you're a fan of TGIFridays, Applebees, Fuddruckers, and the like, you won't be disappointed in either Riyadh or Dubai.
Best meal: Iftar at my friend Maarouf's house in Saudi. The abundance of Lebanese and Saudi food there was orgasmic. Combine that with having an actual dinner party with Saudi women dressed in "normal" clothing while in Riyadh made for a memorable evening.
Worst meal: Many (many) Subway lunches in my cubicle at the client in Saudi.
Who was your best friend?
I didn't have a BFF, as they say. My good friends there included an Italian guy, a Connecticut dude, a Lebanese mate, a Saudi bloke, a Pakistani-American chic… Between these various friends we partied in embassies, saw the Great Pyramids, perused vast camel markets, drank like fish in a completely dry country, hit on girls, pulled all nighters - for both work and play, got on each others' nerves (unavoidable when you live with your co-workers), and some other things I'll need to tell you in person.
Women, hair or no hair?
Um, what?
How many little Panpans might be springing up in the "Orient" in the coming 9 months to 1 year and 9 months?
Couldn't it be feasible I already have some toddlers running around given that I arrived there in July '08 (i.e. 13 months) ago?
If you could take one traditional celebration back to the US, what would it be?
Regular fasting and also breaking of the fast with friends and family, called iftar. Typically you will eat a single date and have some water or Arabic coffee prior to eating your meal. It's a wonderful affair. I wouldn't want to do a whole month, but a few times a year would be good for the spirit.
Did you feel you had to censor yourself online? (I was a little worried when I saw some of the things you put up. I thought you might get in trouble.)
Both Saudi and the UAE restrict access to sites containing San Fernando Valley's biggest export - porn, for you non-Angelenos), but they also restrict other sites that I don't quite understand. For example, Flickr is blocked in the UAE. No, I've never had a censorship issue. Well, except one: A good (girl) friend took unnecessary pity on me when I told her that the internet was censored in many GCC countries. She insisted on sending me a USB drive loaded with her some of her favorite, ahem, risqué titles. We're pretty sure customs snagged it as I never received it.
Why were you away for so long?
It's pretty simple: The travel was addictive, the work was interesting, and I was enjoying myself. When the work became tiresome, and the travel became exhausting, I started reassessing, which ultimately led me to the conclusion that I missed home. A lot.
What did you miss the most about home?
Mom napping on the couch while I watch TV in her living room, hiking and running outdoors, riding around Venice on my hot pink bicycle, not ever thinking about what the weather will be outside, car bombs at O'Brien's Pub, In N Out burger, KCRW (I did have it on iTunes radio but it's not the same…), March Madness, American accents, non-consultant friends.
